Entering the new world
by darveysecretsanta2018
Summary: Set after 6.12 The Painting. Harvey and Donna spend a Christmas together that sees their dynamic shift into something more dangerous altogether.


**Prompt by ****Daniela ( dadarvey):** (Pre-canon) Darvey spends a Christmas together, nothing happens but it brings them closer together, afterwards, they're flirty and people notice (optional angst if one of them gets a date while the other thinks there's something more happening between them)

**.**

**AN: set in S6, after 'The Painting'.**

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_25th_ _December_

It is ten in the morning when Harvey decides to leave the bed and finally starts the day. As the eternal bachelor, and not really the holiday guy, this day isn't any different for him, only he won't go to work, allowing himself a simple day spent in his couch with his loyal companions, beer and game, maybe a good movie to close the evening, alongside a tasty pepperoni pizza.

Since he was in good terms with his mother now, he could have gone to Boston and experiment the full family dinner, but the snow has been falling for three days in the apple city, keeping every plane grounded. The idea of driving there was quick to leave his mind too, not wanting to take the wheel with such a bad weather, therefore this year once more he would stick to his old habits.

He doesn't really mind the loneliness, the latter having the place of an old friend sticking by his side, firstly as a choice, and then more out of a habit. He's the lonely wolf, the wild tiger thinking company would slow him down rather than help him. That's how you end up by being such emotionally shout down. Harvey has never allowed anyone in, some say it's out of arrogance, other because he's a heart made of coal. Only one person saw the truth being the mask, only her resolved the enigma. _That's why she's different._

So yeah, you could say Harvey Specter is the lonely kind of guy.

He's lost in his thoughts, absentmindedly adding the milk to the pancake dough, when the three loud knocks echoing in his condo, bring him back on planet earth. He stammers and drops the spoon into the bowl, allowing the dough a free flight to Harvey's cheek, shirt and right hand.

Growling, Harvey quickly licks the drops on his hand, leaving the little catastrophe to its own, as he walks to the door, ready to snap at his neighbour surely bothering him for some flour.

But it's no neighbour.

"Donna what-"

"WHY are you here answering the door?!"

He's lost, but snaps back at her with the obvious, "What? Well you knocked!", defending himself.

"Gosh you're exhausting, you know that?", Donna spats, and storms into the apartment like a fury at night, her feet slamming the floor. She doesn't bother to wait for Harvey, left behind still holding the handle. He is stunned for sure, trying to connect the dots as to why his secretary is in his condo on Christmas day for no evident reason.

Harvey is bewildered, not really sure who or what is to blame. Is it her, her presence here, or her fragrance intoxicating him? He doesn't know which one to choose, so he goes for the three. His freezing fading, he closes the door and joins Donna near the kitchen counter, where she is admiring his mess, her hazels, and mouth he doesn't doubt, full of teasing. She is too focused on the spread dough to notice Harvey examining her, more so ogling, but he can't help it.

She's stunning.

She's breath taking, in a simple black jean doing well justice to her body, contrasting with the white woollen sweater she chose, blocking his view from both her cleavage and neck. The whole is kept under a camel coat, one he never saw at the firm either. Not that he paid any attention to her outfits. And, to his surprise, she has left her too-high heels at home, and walks in simple burgundy boots, allowing her feet a break on Christmas. She also gave her freckles a break from foundation, leaving them at sight for his greatest pleasure, a slight touch of liner and mascara for only make up. Only her flaming red locks resemble at what he's used to.

He's admiring her really. It's all chic and casual and _domestic._ It's a whole side of her he never gets to witness, yet it's probably one of his favourites.

"Are you cooking?", she turns herself to him, index pointing toward the battlefield, eyebrows glaring.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" he asks back, dangerously invading her personal space.

"By the looks of it, you're just adding some random things together in the hope of an eatable result", she retorts, a smart smile on her lips.

She's toying with him, her eyes screaming at him how much she enjoys it. And God knows he does too.

"And isn't it the definition of cooking,", he teases, his voice all soft on her. He's closer than what they're used to. She knows it because she felt the air leaving his mouth when he answered her landing on her cheek. She daren't turn her head to him, where she knows she'll be greeted with those dark brown oceans of his. She needs to recover, and she needs space to do it.

Donna takes a few steps forward, and starts, "It isn't. When you cook, you don't hope for a result", she then turns slightly her head, just enough to catch him in the corner of her eye, "You already know the result you want to have, and you work hard on the ingredients to get to it". Her voice is clear, and assured. She's proud of herself, Harvey could tell.

"And of course, the almighty Donna Paulsen knows how to make a good meal", he states, almost irritated by her uncanny ability to be perfect.

"Absolutely not!" she wrongs him, "I suck at it", her shoulder rising a bit, showing Harvey donna already accepted her fate. She would never cook her family good and delicious meals, the kitchen being her nemesis.

He almost doesn't believe her, but he knows Donna is no liar, and learning something new about her is always nice, "I thought you were good at everything?"

"I am good at everything I do." Donna specifies, "And I don't do cooking. Problem solved!", she explains, too happy with herself, her title as 'Queen of Everything' being safe. This woman and her logic will be the death of him.

Although the little chatting his great and enjoyed, Harvey still and all doesn't know why she came over.

"So, I guess you're not here on Christmas day to give me food advices, are you?", he playfully responds, his hands lock behind his back, as closes the little distance she put between them mere moments before.

She has the same childish tone when she confirms, "I'm not".

"Then what are you doing here Donna?", he asks totally clueless.

She sees his lost eyes, looks into them, but doesn't find a once of reproaches, nor disappointment. If she didn't know any better, she'd say he feels sorry for her, to be here with him on such a special day, like he would be the last person she would want to be with. He's so wrong on that.

"I was…checking on you." she baffles, her voice too high for it to be the truth, and as always, turns the topic of the conversation to him, "Because you should be in Boston as we speak, opening presents with your family!"

She flutters, trying to weave an enough believable lie, but Harvey sees right through it, and he just smiles at her, the sight before him filling him with peace and innocent happiness.

"Why are you in New York Harvey?" she spats, ready to get heck with one of her speeches. He cuts her off before she gets the chance,

"The snow", he says.

She's all confused, "The snow?"

"Yes Donna, the snow cancelled my flight, and the car was out of option" he elaborates, but then it strikes him, "Wait a minute… aren't you supposed to spend Christmas with your mom?". He has her, he knows he has, that cocky grin reaching his eyes as he waits for her response.

"Not the point!", Donna jabbers, clearly avoiding the subject.

"Oh, but it's exactly the point!", he jokes, eyes eager for her embarrassment, "I do have an excuse for still being in the city. What's yours?"

She hates him sometimes, always lawyering a conversation, manoeuvring as he wishes. She stammers more than she ever did before "I…"

"Oh, come on, no excuses? I'm almost disappointed Donna"

"Shut up", she cries, slapping his chest. Harvey quickly captures her hand with his own, mindlessly allowing his thumb to caress the soft freckled skin.

The move digs Donna dipper into clumsiness, his warm fingers enveloping hers light a sparkle making its way to her eyes. The sparkle quickly becomes a fire when she lifts them up, only to be welcomed by his victory smirk. She smiles back at him, and time stops. It's sweet and slow, and a moment pass with neither of them moving, Harvey keeping brushing her hand and Donna savouring it.

It's no secret they avoid graze contact during the work hours, the touches having the cruel effect of a memory shoot, memories they once willingly swore to erase, only to majestically fail on the long run. They spend so much time together, are so familiar around one another, and yet a simple caress is a privilege, the thought only being almost unbearable because too much needed by both.

Harvey starts time again, against his own will, "Donna, I gave you early days off so you could fly to your mom.", his voice soft on her, " And I know you, and if you're all flustered, it's because you don't have any good reasons to still be in New York".

She is caught up, hand in the cookie jar, but she doesn't give in yet, "My flight was cancelled, and you know that I don't do buses".

Harvey tilts his head a bit, a puppy look seeking for the truth plastered on his face, "Cut the bullshit".

She finally gives up, his look too much for her to take, "Fine! I didn't wanna go.", she sighs, "Happy?", she takes her hand back from his as she responds, wandering further into the kitchen.

He sees her from behind, and the sight before him, albeit very impromptu, has this taste of naturality he can't shake off. Just flaming red locks in his messy kitchen on Christmas day.

Harvey gently smiles back at her, not using her little cave in as a mean to tease her more. He doesn't feel like pressing as to why Donna would ever back down from a family dinner, especially on Christmas. But he knows her as much as she knows him, therefore knows when it's time to push, and her behaviour when he asked in the first place hides the embarrassment. Instead, he just joins her on the opposite side of the kitchen counter.

"You knew my flight was cancelled, didn't you?"

"I might have checked that", she shily smiles, occupying her fingers with the bowl of dough she is now batting slowly.

"Just as you knew I wouldn't go by car in Boston", he facts.

She looks back at him, confidence regaining her, "Well, I'm Donna".

Of course, she is.

"That you are", he agrees, "But Donna doesn't do cooking, so you're gonna give me this back before my pancakes end up ruined", Harvey says, taking the bowl back from her, bowl she happily detangles herself from.

"I might ruin your pancakes, but you certainly ruined yourself!", she now laughs as she remarks the small drops scattered on his cheek and sweat. "You have dough all over your face, Mister". Harvey looks down at his top, and mumbles a 'shit' under his breath. He goes to the sink, fetching for the sponge and some water to erase the dirty offenses over him. After several attempts, he finally succeeds his task and turns over to Donna, still slightly amused by her boss Christmassy activities.

"Am I good?" he asks.

"Almost", she smiles, "You still have some on your cheek."

Harvey vainly tries to wash his face with his hands, but misses the spots each time. Donna, surely out of empathy, closes the distance between them, "Come here" she instructs, her finger finding the dough and removing it with one swift motion. Harvey is smiling like the idiot he is, his eyes never leaving her frame ghosting besides his. Its endearing, really.

"There, now you're all cleaned up", Donna slowly confirms.

"Thanks".

The distance regains them when Harvey moves to grab the bowl and starts batting the dough again.

Donna goes to sat on one of the stools, as Harvey keeps himself busy with the food, his every move scrutinized and detailed by Donna's admirative eyes. She watches him, mesmerized by the view this morning offers her, not regretting at all her decision to not go visit her mother's boyfriend family.

She sits in silence, allowing Harvey to work his magic in the kitchen for her, adding more milk and flour, making more dough for her to be fed too. He seems so at peace in here, relax, _happy_. He's smiling. He does that more often now, like a part of him as finally smoothen a bit. No, she knows he won a battle against his darker self, a huge one, a significant one mere week before when he took that train to Boston and made things right with the woman who cost him so much loss.

He's less angry all the time, less cranky in general, and she smiles proudly knowing she's a bit responsible for that. More so, Donna is proud of her friend for being so brave, and finally realising what he was missing. She's so damn joyful about it it's scary, like it would be her that would have mend fences with old deep wounds.

Yeah, something definitely shifted since he came back. She still doesn't know what, but it's there. _Some readiness maybe?_

Half an hour later, they find themselves on his couch, with both a plate full of pancakes, maple syrup and blueberries – the usual whipped cream and strawberries being out of hand – the fire burning before them, making Donna's orange hair glowing and Harvey's dark brown eyes sparkling. The latter takes a meaningful bite in his mouth, making Donna giggles with his struggle to chew it all.

"You should take a hugger one next time" she jokes.

"I bet I could. I have a big mouth"

"Don't I know it", the reference being all but subtle, but they laugh at it, preferring a cheerful mood rather than the usual awkwardness aura enveloping them each time 'the other time' slides into a conversation.

"So, I guess we're spending Christmas together this year…" Harvey half asks, half states, hopeful as to a positive answer from Donna. It would be the most precious gift she could give him.

"I agreed for pancakes Harvey, not to spend the entire day with the Grinch", she teases.

"Hey, I like the holidays!", he defends, almost offended even if they both know he doesn't.

"Really?"

"Really!"

"Okay", she gives in, "Well then tell me _Santa_, where's your Christmas tree?", she leans forward on the couch, waiting for his answer.

"Fine, I'm the Grinch", eating his pancakes again.

Donna eyes him, deeply. Analysing the way his body reacts to the truth he just spoke, the way his shoulders lower sending the clear message he doesn't like being the Grinch, his lower head confirming what she thinks.

"Why?" she empathises.

"Why what?"

"Why are you the Grinch?"

He gets it. Feelings talk. He's in no mood for it, but she's here and he's there, and he's healing because of her, and sometimes what you don't want to do is what you need to do. "Same reason why I don't celebrate my birthday. Reminds me how alone I am.", he painfully shares, pupils full with hurt.

"Harvey…"

"For so long I relied only on myself Donna. Working to be on top, it throws people away. You don't get a lot of love when you do what I do". She knows, she witnessed it, she just never knew it had become such a burden to him.

"I'm sorry… But for what it's worth, I'm not going anywhere". A hand comes resting on his knee, squeezing it to give more reassurance to her words.

"Does that mean you're staying?"

"Better than that. Go open your door" she winks and he's surprised but does as told.

Damn this woman and her brain. He didn't see the groceries bag when he first opened the door to her an hour ago, too taken aback by her only presence, but when he opens the door for the second time on her demand, he laughs at the sight before him. She's too much for him, too perfect and too nice.

He takes the bag back into the now cleaned kitchen, giving Donna a curious look. She's all grinning, all illustrious about her little surprise.

"You planned this all along I can't believe it", Harvey says in total incredulity.

"Oh, but you should believe it." Donna counters, getting up and joining him near the kitchen counter, "You didn't think I would let you all lonely at Christmas, did you?".

Harvey almost tears up, the gesture turning his lower stomach upside down. Once again, Donna proves him how much she values him and their friendship, how much she would never let him down.

"Thanks Donna", the words coming under his breath, emotions getting the better of him. and Harvey Specter doesn't do emotions, but Donna Paulsen keeps drilling his shell.

"You're welcome Harvey", the woman responds with the same tone, "Now let's see what we got here", she goes on, digging into the bag.

They did spend the day together, and on their own accord, it was one of the best Christmases the pair has had in a very long time. None of them would affirm it out loud, but they both felt it.

Once the pancakes eaten, they cleaned the kitchen in tandem, working with two bodies but only one voice was guiding them. From afar, they were dancing, unrolling a perfect routine made of glimmering eyes and timid brushes.

They decorated the Grinch's condo with the small stuffs Donna brought from her own, carols from Harvey's dad record playing in the back setting a very homey spirit in the house. It took them less than two hours to put everything in place, all the tinsels lighting the place with love, reflecting in both their eyes when small looks were exchanged.

Donna also brought take over from the dinner she shared with her sister the day before, giving them a respectable Christmas dinner enjoyed by the fire with some red wine. It was simple, for once. No suspended questions above their heads, just two spirits sharing stories and laughs as the burgundy liquor uncomplicated both their feelings and their tongues.

Confidences leading to confidences, they reached another level on intimacy that day, one of a kind, sharing childhood memories and family traditions. They see each other with a new perspective, like a light would have been turned on, allowing an undiscovered side to be happily exposed. Its comforting, in a way, knowing they don't know everything about each other, and so can be surprised by the person they have in front of them. One confession never made it to one of their mouths though, the shyness enveloping it too strong. They silently omitted their common wish. To one day mix those traditions and make new one together, as the family they dream to give to the other.

Perhaps the dream is too rich, to rough and to raw to be granted this year, the fantasy still locked too deep in their oceans to be reached, neither of them realising one word would be enough to turn it into reality.

Around four in the afternoon, the snow had stopped its dance outside, allowing clear streets even if the sky was still filled with clouds. It was then a natural choice to occupy the rest of day with a little walk into Central Park, the breeze hitting their cheeks with a sense of renew, the white snow still immaculate covering the leaves less trees as well as the usual green grass. Everything was calm, like someone with have turned down the volume of life, just allowing the harmonious noises of nature to sing.

No souls other than theirs were seen, the pair alone was standing in the white sea Winter offers on its gracious day. None of their conversations required words during this parenthesis, they both addressed the silence with their eyes and smiles, not wanting to disturb the spectacle the white coat was offering their eyes. They felt like intruders in this quiet environment, and yet fitted perfectly in the picture, two dark frames contrasting with the shiny snow, Donna's fiery red curtain for only touch of colour.

As they wandered through the various paths the park has to offer, the heated bodies grew closer by the steps, the two lines formed by the footprints left on the virgin ground, slowly converged in (almost) one, the only proof of their closeness, engraved into the ephemera snow. When suddenly, the small touches exchanged during the day all conveyed into its final empowerment, fingers grazed one another, and as Harvey too her hand, he gave her all they've been craving for, a shiver down their spine.

Donna left his apartment early in the night, after her second cocoa under the too comfy plaid Harvey gave her. The tension built during the day had reached its maximum, and Donna couldn't take it, couldn't deal with it anymore. So, she left, before doing something they wouldn't be able to erase, letting the fear getting the better of her once more.

And once more, Harvey le her go without a single protest, siding with her as to where their boundaries lie, giving her full control of this relationship, naively ignoring she's waiting for him to take the reins and pinning her against the nearest wall.

_28th_ _December_

What's got into him, she has no clue.

But a sparkle started to shine since the day they spend together, as friends. At first, Donna thought it would be just a fling, a not so everlasting brightness he had only because of the magic surrounding this special day. She believes in the miracle of rebirth for one day, but her biggest surprise was to look him in the eye the next one and still be able to find this little star smoothing his gaze on her.

More so, the way he looks at her has changed, she can definitely tell. the gaze he lands on her is fiercer, stronger, screaming at her a truth his mouth can't utter yet. He smiles at her with those chocolate sloes, an intensity radiating from it almost taking her breath away.

Her mind long gone, she doesn't notice him approaching all cocky and proud from the trial he most certainly just won.

He circles her cubicle, entering her vision field and so bringing her back to him, not without a little somersault.

"Donna", his voice low and hoarse

"Harvey, hi" she smiles back trying to regain composure.

He smiles like the idiot he is, too happy to have caught her daydreaming at the office.

"I guess the trial went well judging by that grin of yours" she speaks then.

"It did" he affirms, "Bringing back the can opener and doing our ritual surely helped"

"You did beat the record today. Three dozen Harvey, I'm almost impressed" Donna jokes.

"What can I say, I had to pass the number '2'", his shameful face daring her, "Plus, you were very supportive today".

Two. That's the record number of both of their rituals. Two cans of whipped cream, and two dozen of thumbtack. And Donna bet Harvey wasn't referring to the later.

She tilts her head, "Too bad you're never gonna be able to beat this one". Two can play this game, my dear.

"Who's to say I won't?", leaning forward to her.

He can't be that obvious, can he?

"What is it Specter? Missing the good old days?" she teases.

"No, not the days, just one night".

Dona can't help but blush at his revelation, eyes widening, she curses her redhead flesh for being so demonstrative, as she now is sure she turned into a tomato. She's surprised to say the least, taking so frankly about the other time isn't something they do, even less openly mentioning they miss it. But Donna doesn't want to lose that battle just yet, not to him and not like this.

"If this is your way to try to take me to bed Harvey" she slowly gets up, bending on her desk, and so giving him full view on her slightly exposed breast, "Well, I suggest you try again" she winks at him, taking a file and leaving him mouth open as she makes her way over to the file room.

She passed so close behind Harvey, he sensed her flowy dress brushing the material of his calves, doing nothing to cool him down. She used her sex voice, that special tone Harvey got to listen and appreciate only one time since they know each other, and the memory makes immediately his cock twitch in his pants. God she'll be the end of him.

The spectacle ending, Mike and Rachel are stuck in the corridor, not sure on how to call what they just witnessed. They didn't hear the conversation between the secretary and her boss, but they're both certain it wasn't at all work related. They were too close, too smiley and too blushed for it to be just that.

"Did they just?" Mike asks to be sure that's a reality.

"I think so yes", Rachel confirms.

"Did something happen?"

"I don't know, Donna didn't tell me a thing. You?"

"Harvey is more silent than a tombstone, so no…"

"They may not talk about it with you, but don't be retards you two!" Gretchen calls from behind them, "They've been all touchy and flirty since the 25th. It doesn't take to be a genius, nor having a photographic memory, something had happened!".

They couldn't agree more.

_30th_ _December _

The firm's New Year's party was tomorrow, and has Donna organised it all as usual, Harvey on his side has been wanting to ask her a question.

It's a firm related event, and more so the big party you throw to enter the new year. In those terms, you're more than welcomed to bring someone you want to spend the night with. And Harvey already has a clear idea of who that someone is.

She's sitting at her cubicle when he asks her by the intercom, "Donna?"

"Yes Harvey?", she says back, entering his office.

He has nervousness written all over his face, his fingers absently brushing his nose "I was wondering, would you like to accompanied me tomorrow night?"

Her brows frowning, not sure if Harvey just asked her to be his date for the night, "Accompanied you to… the firm's party?" she clarifies.

"Yes, you know, as my secretary and organizer of the event", he makes commonplaces.

There it is, the little back down she was waiting for since Christmas. She feared that and here it was, starting something, he isn't able to finish. Harvey never stopped flirting with her since that day, opening the floods of a dark and raging sea he isn't able to control. And so, when he has a chance to come to terms with his current behaviour, he takes the easy way out, and asks her only because of work.

Donna doesn't know why he does this, because by the looks of it, one, Harvey Specter never got the balls to ask her out, two when he finally does it's only for business and not for a personal matter. She shouldn't be surprised, after all, but somehow this reality hurts more than what she expected.

"As professionals then…", the last glimpse of hope in her voice.

"Yeah… just work". How a man can break her heart over and over like this, she will never know. Worst thing being she lets him crush it every time, never letting it heal fully from his touch. The actress' mask on, she doesn't flinch, not now, not before him.

"Don't you have a hot lady to bring to that?", she tries.

"I might", he smiles, ignoring Donna's bleeding wounds he just reopened once more. For him she the hot lady, only she doesn't see it that way.

"That's nice of you to ask Harvey, but actually I've already said yes to Tom Bucket", she lies. Well partially. Tom, a tall dark blond and blue eyes senior partner at the firm did ask her out. And when he did, she refused, hoping Harvey would get his shit together. But now, she couldn't do him the pleasure to be his toy again, and only sharing a ride car for business matters. She's past that. She wants more.

"Oh okay, I'm sorry, I didn't know", his smiles fading as he realises the bad timing hitting them once again.

She brushes his disappointed face under the rug, "Don't worry, plus you can bring your date. I'm sure she wont mind a night with you".

_New Year's Eve_

He has just arrived at the event, making his way in the already very crowded place. His eyes were already lurking for her, not wanting to spend more than a minute in here without his partner in crime, helping him charming the clients, as well as holding his scotch, their drinking contest never too far. He knows she's supposed to hold someone else's arm, but he can't help it, he needs her.

He was eager to see her to say the least, the last few days being more than a blessing to their relationship. He felt it, something has shifted between the two of them. He didn't know what it was, but it was here, he wasn't dreaming. She has started to open her doors to others possibilities for them, and Harvey was more than happy to go through the opening and down that new path with her. Hope had regained his blood, and a new vigour was inhabiting him. he has made up with his mother, changed the status of a disastrous relationship to a more than okay one, why couldn't he renew the operation? What was holding him back?

To be fully honest, nothing except himself, and when he realised that, he was secretly whishing to tempt fate tonight and plunge into the unknown.

He didn't bother to ask a girl to come with him, not wanting to be tied to a burden when he would try to play his cards tonight, and the fool in him tricked him into believing Donna lied, and no one would be by her side tonight.

But she entered the venue at someone's arm, and his joyful mood shattered into million dark pieces of delusion.

She appeared by the door, wearing a red suit erasing her feminine curves, her huge décolleté for only flesh attraction. Donna dared to wear nothing under the jacket, the shadow of her breasts teasing every man she greeted on the firm's behalf. The satin trouser flowed around her thighs and calves, making Harvey jealous of a piece of clothing. The matching outfit gave her a legitimate confidence, a classy and chic aura enveloped her. She had straightened her hair, changing the form of her face a bit, redefining her soft traits into harder ones. The high heels being the only proof of her feminine part tonight.

She's a red rose standing proudly into a field full of black dahlias.

And her thorn was him. Harvey knows him, but he surely doesn't care. He cares that he's left alone on a bar stool, nursing an amber liquid.

He's surrounded by familiar faces, and yet he's all alone in this dark wold, on this such hypocrite day, scotch for only friend.

He hates it, the hope, the joyfulness, the spirits. People you never cared for calling you to wish you good health and happiness, when the very next day they'll try to put you under the ground. The promises they'll do, to others as well as to themselves, promises they will inevitably break at one point. The resolutions they'll make, lasting less than the flu.

They all close their eyes like stupid people, wishing stupid thing, dreaming of stupid ideos, and stupidly sending them to the sky, naively smiling at the stars, hoping for a better year. Like entering a new year would erase the issues you had in the past one, like it would somehow whip off your life all the loneliness and anger you had in the previous one. It doesn't work that way.

For one evening per year, people seem to forget all their struggles, wounds and other hurts they burdening throughout the year, allowing emotions in, such as hope and love. And he hates it, because he isn't a welcomed animal in the jungle of emotions. He is Harvey Specter; therefore, he doesn't do emotions.

He has been one of those fools for some years, cherishing some daring proposition on this night, granting his mind the right to wander in the wild territory of dreams instead of his usual one. But it never paid. What did, on the other hand, were working for his goal, instead of wishing for his dreams.

Maybe that's why they never happened. Donna was never a goal he challenged himself to achieve. She has never been a trophy he would compete for.

She is so much more than this. She is a dream, his dream. She is the woman haunting his nights, toying with his wants, twisting his needs, and messing up his brain. She is so unreal, their relationship is so unique, it scares the shit out of him.

She's the dream he never allowed himself to let become reality, the fear of them being too out of his control.

Maybe, just maybe he needs the dream to achieve the goals.

It shouldn't be that way, but Harvey spent a decade building this reality. The one in which he's the solitary guy hanging at the end of the bar, nursing his fourth glass of scotch. He should be talking to clients, entertaining the good image of the firm, putting on a show in which he's delighted to be here, celebrating the beautiful year to come, hopefully full of good negotiations, and great money.

But he isn't in the mood for it at all.

The evening passes, uneventful and boring as expected. Harvey spent it between useless talks with clients, filling his drink at the bar, and being jealous of him when his hand lands on her back. He even didn't bother to great them, more so he avoided them, playing hide and seek like a four-year-old.

Midnight is now not so far away he realises, because everyone went outside for the big countdown. He's still sitting on a barstool at the end of the bar, darkness surrounding him when he senses her presence behind him. A not is immediately forming in his stomach, and gosh he's too drunk for what's to come.

"Aren't you with him?", he dares to accuse her.

"Don't be this Harvey" she warns.

"Be what?"

"A goddamn drunk bully"

"I haven't bullied neither of you all night. In fact, you're the one coming at me with accusations" he spats.

"Oh, don't you dare accuse me of anything" she cries, angriness surfacing. She lands beside him, elbowing at the bar. "You made me do this, you made me come here with him"

"Bullshit", he defends, "I haven't forced you into anything. You're the one who ran away this time"

They don't need a lot of words to know what they're accused of, their communication always easy through their eyes but the mixed feelings, and rollercoasters of emotions of the past days brought clouds into their gazes

"You never get it, do you…" she says in despair, "I had to run away, from you and that hungry heart of yours!". She's too drunk for this too. Tom is sweet and nice, but she got through the night and Harvey's ignorance with the only help of champagne and cocktails. She's not registering a word she's saying, Donna has lost control over herself, the fear of the consequences long gone with her normal state, "I had to run away, because if I stayed, if I agreed to come with you tonight once more, I would have just ended up turned apart all over again. you have a cannibal heart Harvey Specter, and I'm tired of being eaten every time you smile at me"

She doesn't want to cry but there's a tear falling each time she blinks. She hopes he doesn't see her goofy eyes in the dark, but the light is reverberating on the small drops of water.

He's tired too, so tired of being afraid, and angry when he realises, she's slipping away from him. their ability to fuck up this relationship never ceases to amaze him. it seems like they fell into the vicious circle of looking for love until in the impossible.

His hands make their way to her face, erasing the offending proves of hurt, and their eyes lock.

It's his time to confess, "I tried to replace you, because I love you too much to forget you". his voice is sure and calm, the baritone tone not once trembling. He isn't apologizing for tonight's jackass behaviour, nor for the previous days when he was so out of himself. No, he is giving her so much more than that. He's making amend for all the years of cowardness they both suffer of.

"You're terrifying, and strange and beautiful, and it's not something easy to love Donna", he goes on, not once breaking any forms of contacts, neither with his arms, nor with his eyes.

Donna, at this very instant, felt like moving forward into a precipice, to not belong to herself at all anymore. When she risks a thought towards him towards them, it was the unknown at losing sight.

"You're an idiot" is all she comes to acknowledge, chuckling her way to his mouth. He silences her by tasting those rosy lips, raising on his feet to ground himself.

They won't hear the applause on the outside, the cheerful crowd partying its way into the new year, they will only feel each other's skins for the rest of their lives.


End file.
